White Dogs Can't Jump

So my friend Angela has a dog, the dog's name is Humphrey. Humphrey is a girl. Cute dog, friendly dog, oh so friendly — almost too friendly dog sometimes — because when people come over Humphrey jumps on them all crazy, and Angela has to yell "No Humphrey no!" Actually I don't know if Angela has ever yelled exactly that — but something to that effect, I'd guess — because she didn't have to yell that when I walked through her door because Humphrey actually didn't jump on me (although Humphrey did do some impressive flying leaps in the backyard, like a graceful whizzing dog-gazelle).

Anyways. So the reason why Humphrey DIDN'T jump, is because Angela learned to spray her with a water bottle when she jumps on people. And Angela labeled the water bottle "WHITE DOGS CAN'T JUMP!" which of course is more of a command than a fact. It's more like, "No, white dog, you better not jump!" instead of stating that white dogs "can't jump," because Humphrey obviously is living proof that that's not true. When she was a puppy, and Angela tried to keep her in one room using one of those baby gates, Humphrey would fly clear over the baby gate! PUPPY POWER!!!!!!! I need to get Humphrey a cape.

But I recently learned that Humphrey the Maltese is ALREADY a super pupstar. Her owner, Angela Landis, booked her in Angela's film Boned, and then Angela set up this video of Humphrey getting interviewed! Doggy interviews woo! Woof!

My New Random Pink Lady Friend

I've been trying to look "nice" lately — not wearing stretchy pants to work every day, brushing my hair sometimes, remembering to clean the pink dots off my face from my overnight zit medication. So last week, I was coming back from lunch (after scoring a bunch of free perfume samples at Macy's), and a stout glowing Latina woman smiled at me and said, "You look nice!" And I lit up, ran over to her, put my hand on her shoulder and exclaimed, "Oh my god, thank you for saying that, I've really been trying, I appreciate that!" Then I told her how nice she looked too, she had beautiful two-tone magenta glasses, and a pink-ish jumpsuit with a darker pink shirt peeking out, and a very striking purpley mauve lipstick that was just perfectly lined...a sticky wet-looking matte, like a painting. I thought about asking to take her photo, but for as many times as I've done that in the past, I've gotten more hesitant in recent years. Maybe it's the Age Of The Internet, maybe I'm losing my edge. But of course I later regretted it, so I decided I would draw her. And while this of course is nothing what she looks like, I still have her image in my mind. Thank you random new Pink Lady friend.

Holy Rainbow, Batman!

I was driving in Burbank after a spat of rain, and I saw the most enormous rainbow, it was the most vivid I've ever seen — and it was close, too — seems like it was rooted just a block away. I said to myself, "Holy rainbow, Batman!" And I swear to God, I shit you not, I then realized the car in front of me had a small Batman sign on its back window. So I think this is a sign of some sort...I think this instance might be luckier than seeing a double rainbow. I think it means that I will soon become a superhero.

Poor Little Leaky Kid Mansion

 

I was trying to outfox the morning traffic by zig-zagging through side streets, and kind of like Snow White, I happened upon this little cottage. Or more like a dream clubhouse for kids...with a tarp over it. It's been raining Thundercats and dogs in Los Angeles, so I'm assuming they're covering the hole to keep the water out. You can afford a play mansion for the kids, but can't afford to fix a hole in the roof?! Get it together, rich people!

The Facebook "Like" Button, Part 2

So four years later — has it been FOUR YEARS since I posted on this blog thing?!?! Anyways, I'm happy to report that Facebook has since added a sad crying emoji (see previous post). This still seems a little cartoony to put for someone dying, but as long as you write a heartfelt comment along with it, I guess it could work? Maybe not best to "emoji recognize" such a serious post? Probably definitely don't if it's around Halloween, lest you post a crying Frankenstein.

The Facebook "Like" Button, Part 1

If someone posts that their gramma died, and they write how wonderful a person she was, and you "like" it — I hate that it seems like you're "liking" that their gramma just died, even though you're really "liking" the undertones of the post, which is that she was a really great person and your friend was happy to have her in her life, and hopefully she was ready to die and peaceful and all that. Facebook should add another button, or buttons, like a "THAT BLOWS I'M SORRY" button.

Urban Dunebuggy

VROOM VROOM!