The Joy of Random Googling, Part 1: "Cheeseburger Tattoo Stomach"

So the other day I was thinking about how my burger binge was making my stomach rather meaty, and that it would be funny to get a hamburger or cheeseburger tattoo on your stomach — and was thinking that someone in the world must have one, right? So I Googled "cheeseburger tattoo stomach" and haphazardly happened upon a clip interviewing Daily Show writers about how to write for the Daily Show. Holla! (I didn't find any cheeseburger stomach tattoos. By the way, the featured cheeseburger tat is owned by Helen Haskoor.)

And then a couple days later I was Googling the phrase "crane your neck" because I thought that's what the exact wording was for expression, but wasn't 100 percent sure (yes, I call myself a journalist) — and then found this frickin' rockin' YouTube video of this song " Crane Your Neck" by performer Lady Lamb the Beekeeper.



Whew, what a week in the Age of Internet. To be continued.

Moo-vie Review: Cowboys & Aliens

Okay, first off — am I the only person who kept hearing this movie referred to as Cowboys VERSUS Aliens instead of "Cowboys & Aliens"?! I was about to throw down with my uncle over this matter. I was wrong, of course (dammit), about this sci-fi western flick named after a graphic novel of the same name, and directed by Jon Favreau.

Moo-ving on: So when Harrison Ford starts firing at this Star Wars-esque flying ship that scoops people up with steel-tendril lassos (which also maybe destroyed his cattle) — I couldn't help think about Poland during WWII. Here is Indiana Jones helplessly trying to shoot this supernaturally-powered force of an alien ship with a handgun. And it reminded me of when the Nazis invaded Poland — how the Poles charged the tanks on horseback, with swords. (This, I've heard, is the reason why Polish people are supposedly stupid. I'm 75 percent Polish, by the way.)



As long as the Polish thing is out there, let me also say that I was
brought up Catholic, and that there are a number references to God in
this movie, but it's not too cheesy. Here's one quote as I remember it. And no I'm not a religion freak, but I did grow up with the idea of a higher power —
and this rings true whether you believe in a higher power or not:

"I've seen good men do bad things, and bad men do good things —
but it's not God who ultimately decides whether or not you go to Hell,
it's you." (My translation: You ultimately decide what kind of person
you are and want to be, not some outside force, and don't let the past
define who you are.)

Thinking about how things turned out, I thought of Marcus in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when he says to Prof. Jones, "The pen is mightier than the sword." (As a sidenote, Daniel Craig, aka Jake Lonergan, is much more Indiana Jones than Harrison Ford, aka Woodrow Dolarhyde, in Cowboys & Aliens — and definitely part Terminator.)




There were many Alien-esque scenes in this film, it made me wish that Sigourney Weaver was cast in even a small part. The end was a bit of a mash-up between Alien and The Hurt Locker. Speaking of which, the little boy who goes along on the adventure, actor Noah Ringer (from The Last Airbender), has an out-of-this-world career ahead of him, he's gonna blow up.

And speaking of children, I foresee children of all ages being psyched to own a toy version of one of Jake Lonergan's power-alien-shooter wrist bands — kind of like an ET finger from back in the day. I got one for my birthday in July, but it must've sat in the store for so long that the battery ran out and the finger doesn't light up red. Sad face.

Roger Ebert and The New Yorker: Two Captions Down

I know I should subscribe to The New Yorker, or at least read it every week at the library, because the articles are the kind that you actually like reading — but I have to admit that I pick it up mostly in waiting rooms and doctor's offices. I grabbed the April 18, 2011 issue recently while taking my gramma for an appointment on the northwest side of Chicago, near Wolfy's hot dog joint.

After reading a great feature about the woman who co-founded the New York Taxi Workers Alliance, I flipped to the back and checked out the cartoon caption contest. If you're not familiar, every week they have three cartoons — one you can submit captions for, one that people already submitted captions for (featuring three that the staff selected and readers can vote on), and then the winning caption from the week before. For the current cartoon that you could vote on, I noticed a familiar name — Roger Ebert (by the third caption, two captions down).



And I just thought, Ha, like Roger Ebert would actually go through the normal channels of submitting his caption like the rest of the world or something. He probably has, like, a different colored phone for every publication out there, and he doesn't even have to dial, he just picks it up — like Batman. So in my mind, his caption-contest submission process went something like this: Ebert picks up the New Yorker phone, which is perhaps in the shape of an apple, and types this on his laptop that helps him speak: "Hey, it's Rodge — yo, I have a stinkin high-larious caption for this week. I'm emailing it now. Peace!"



Oh, and in case you didn't already assume — his caption did end up winning. It was, after all, the best one.

UPDATE: So I guess Ebert submitted 107 times before he won! Reports the Chicago Reader 8/31/11: http://www.chicagoreader.com/Bleader/archives/2011/08/31/chicago-media-owns-the-new-yorker-caption-contest

I'm in an Art Show, Nice. And I Got to Play With Fire.

Okay, the first bunch of photos are of the same hat that, yes, I burned a big fat hole in. The second and third photos will be in the show (next to the actual hat)...what show am I talking about? The Milwaukee Avenue Arts Fest in Logan Square this weekend (I'll be at 2706 N Sawyer, by the McDonald's — what up 49-cent cones!). There are so many good bands and artists at this thing, don't even get me started, just please check out the link and get your butt there. After the slew of hat photos are some of my iPhone photos that I'll be showing too....so many stories, so little time, at least at the moment. Stay tuned.

I'll Have the Chickpeas — Er, I Mean Woman Peas

I watched the uber-exciting-then-serotonin-depleting final installment of the women's World Cup championship — U.S. vs Japan – at the Twisted Spoke in Chicago last Sunday. (We lost in a penalty kick shootout in overtime.) *But thankfully* the Twisted Spoke scored a point in the menu-humor department when I noticed that one of the ingredients they listed for their hummus was "woman peas (formerly known as chick)." Hmm, a side order to consider if you choose to dine at the resto's Smut & Eggs event every Saturday (midnight to 2:30am, 501 N Ogden in Chicago).

The Best Party for a Better World? The Silver Room Block Party!

The Silver Room in Chicago is one of those old-school Wicker Park businesses that's managed to not only stay in business, but really thrive over the years...why? BECAUSE THEY SELL REALLY COOL AFFORDABLE SHIT (JEWELRY/ACCESSORIES), AND HOST REALLY COOL EVENTS (and feature really cool local artists like Fantah Celah, pictured above, who sells her jewelry line there — you'll have to contact her yourself about the custom hair jewelry though).

The Sound System Block Party is happening today from noon to 10pm at 1442 N Milwaukee Ave (at Evergreen) — with art and fashion and music — like Chicago-based MC Hollywood Holt who deejays at 8:30pm (schedule is on the site). The theme is "A Better World," and last week there was a fundraiser for it, an art opening where you could bid on 100 canvases by 100 artists. I picked a few pieces to post and talk about here, these will still be up during the block party today, so stop in and check 'em out if you're in the neighborhood.
_

How can you make the world better? Just look in the mirror — like Michael Jackson would do, right? Here's a piece from Juan De La Mora Monsivais called "It's You and Me!" and it features a sticker-pic of him when he was a year old. Juan writes: "In questionable times, I stare in the mirror and ask how I can be a better person and by doing so, how I can influence and be influenced in a better world."



Below is "When This Becomes Logic" from Anna Todaro: "The image of Spock with flowers on his head just seemed kind of ridiculous and really me smile." Agreed. And it's pretty.

And I really like this piece from Andrew Reichold called "Abstract Form of Communication," where he takes a timeless tool — the #2 pencil — and makes it...a little more flexible. "The path for better understanding must open and allow ideas to permeate the space, sometimes going in one direction, sometimes staying the path.

Here's Rob Soller's vision of a cooperative based on self-reliance — the brotherhood between science, technology and resource management. Oh, and he digs cats. Oh — and he'll be there with his 13-foot, four-seater, custom-welded Art Bike — perhaps wearing bunny ears, you won't want to miss it.

And below is an untitled piece from DJ Nerd — because we all know that music makes everything better.



The Silver Room Sound System Block Party is today from noon-10pm at 1442 N Milwaukee Ave in Chicago.

"Western"-ers: Volume 1

I was biking down Western Avenue in Chicago — actually I was riding on the sidewalk, with my helmet on, because you want to know what? I've reported on at least three people — both cyclists on pedestrians — who've been killed on Western Avenue (RIP Chris, Fran and Isai). While the section between Division and Fullerton has slowed down a little in the last year or so, thanks to some new stoplights, I don't like taking chances on that death highway.



Anyways, I ride slow when I'm in the Land of Pedestrian, out of respect, but also because you have a more interactive commuting experience. For example, I made a new friend. His name is Juan. And what attracted me to him were...his cans. He was sitting next to a big shopping cart full of them. And it reminded me of my grampa, who was an avid can collector, he would collect cans and cans and cans, and take them in and get money for them at the recycling centers around Chicago — it seemed like he'd do anything for those things.



One time my sister and I were in the car with him, he was driving, and we were stopped at a red light. The light turned green — but then he spotted a can across the way — so he yanked the car into park, and ran across the street to grab it! Oh, how the cars honked at us! Grampa pulled over on highways to retrieve cans. He picked them up out of gutters. No matter how rusty, shredded or caked with crud. And we loved him for it.

One year, for Father's Day, we gave him 10 huge black Hefty garbage bags filled with the things. My sister was in college, so she got to work saving beer cans. When we pulled the 10 bags out of my parents' car, I remember my grampa's face lighting up, and how he started laughing, and he let out a big "Oh...!!!" My mom recalls, "He was in his glory...and our station wagon smelled of beer for forever because it seeped into the carpet." My gramma said, "If you'd have given him a gold watch he wouldn't have been any happier."



I tried to tell Juan these stories, tried to find the word for "grampa" in Spanish — "abuelita"? I said. (I was close — it's abuelit"o" — duh, I took Latin, I should have remembered abuelit"a" is feminine.) I tried to ask where he takes the cans in, and mentioned the center that closed down at Leavitt and Milwaukee — and how Grampa would sometimes go to the one on North Avenue, just west of Damen, across from what's now Sultan's Market. Juan said that he goes to a place over on Elston.

We talked for a bit longer, I gave him what change I had, and I headed on. Later that night, on my ride back down Western, I saw Juan half-asleep in a dark and wide doorway, next to his shopping cart of cans. I smiled lightly and waved and said hello. And then wondered what my grampa — a bread-truck delivery guy in Chicago for more than 40 years, who always gave bread away to people in need — would've done.