Thursday, October 13, 2011

Rainbows and Little Fattie, Oops, I Mean Little Debbie

I have a number of friends who I wish were on Twitter because some of the stuff they post on Facebook or text me is so hilarious that I wish I could retweet the twat out of it.

Like today, after a pretty rainy day, my friend Allison posts: "That rainbow is really putting a damper on the crappy mood that took me all day to accumulate." And my friend Sara just texted me: "They should really rename Little Debbie 'Big Fattie Debbie,' to which I replied — "Or Little Fattie."



Okay, so I've indulged in Nutty Bars and Oatmeal Cream Pies, but has anyone even tried "Cloud Cakes"? I wonder how long have these fake-Twinkie-ass suckers have been around. I take that back — I shall not judge, since I have not tried them, my apologies to you Cloud Cakes.

I do have to say, the names are both pretty awesome — Twinkies and Cloud Cakes. Sounds like the food that you eat in heaven or something. Or feed to unicorns so they can fly. And then maybe die, because I don't think you're supposed to feed unicorns Twinkies just like you're not supposed to give dogs chocolate.

It's Princess Shake Weight Time



I think that's supposed to be a can of pop or juice or something, but it looks like a Shake Weight to me. I had Belle do a few reps because, hey, princesses need their beauty exercise too. If you haven't seen the South Park spoof on this, you'll have to look that up on your own, princesses are just not those kind of girls.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Life, Death, and Pea Soup

Gram: What's in that container?
Me: Pea soup.
Gram: Is it still good?
Me: Hm, I don't know.
Gram: Well, I'll eat it, and if I die — well, it's almost my time to go anyway!

[UPDATE: I added this last line in, what do you think? Funnier? Less funny? The same funny?]

Gram: What's in that container?
Me: Pea soup.
Gram: Is it still good?
Me: Hm, I don't know.
Gram: Well, I'll eat it, and if I die — well, it's almost my time to go anyway!
Me: But is that what you really want for your last meal, suspect pea soup?

BTW—I Think Betty White Is Totally Funny Here

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The New York Times Won't Print "WTF"? WTF?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!

A writer friend of mine in New York started a high-larious blog writing witty quips about the daily outfit choices of local traffic reporter Jamie Shupak. The blog is appropriately titled, "WTF Is Jamie Shupak Wearing?" ("I know it’s casual Friday, but that doesn’t give you license to wear a baby pink wraparound shirt from Forever 21 circa 2002. TGIF!" and "We all love to be comfortable at work, but puke-colored khaki pajamas? No.")




So Ms. Shupak has been getting quite a bit of press lately — being the hot and single little number that she is — and the WTFIJSW blog is often mentioned in write-ups. Like in the recent New York Times article, "Stuck in Traffic? A Star is Born." Except look at how they how they refer to the "WTF Is Jamie Shupak Wearing?" blog:

"Because fame begets skewering, Ms. Shupak has even inspired a blog whose unprintable name approximates “What is Jamie Shupak Wearing?”

Really?
The NYT can't print "WTF"? WTF?!?! I understand that they have a strict policy against profanity — they recently edited an Onion headline about Steve Jobs to edge out the word "fuck":

"
The headline, modified here to replace an expletive, said: 'Last American Who Knew What the Heck He Was Doing Dies.'"

But there's no (visible) "fuck" in "WTF"!
It's as much a part of the English language as "antiquated," "newspaper" and "ridiculous." I can understand not wanting to have swear words all over your rag, but there's some journalistic principles to uphold here, aren't there — like accuracy?

A recent Chicago Reader blog touches on this topic, and links to a piece the NYT did a piece about how often you hear the word "vagina" on TV these days. The intro? "Forget the singing competitions, cop shows, fairy-tale dramas and the 'Mad Men'-style melodramas. For network television this is the season of the vagina."

Focusing on the word "vagina" for a news piece — using the phrase "this is the season of the vagina" — but not publishing "WTF"? Join the 21st Century NYT! Grow some balls! Or as Betty White would say — grow a vagina! Or as Facebook would have her say, maybe — I guess this balls/vagina posting that was passed around was a hoax and that it wasn't her joke (I am guilty of the passing-around, I admit, I should have known, it was hilarious) — it supposedly belonged to comedian Sheng Wang, who supposedly got it from a California talk radio DJ?

Oh media platforms, how you befuddle me.



[UPDATE: One of my Facebook friends alerted me to the fact that the NYT has published "WTF" in the past, like in this story about comedian Marc Maron, but apparently chose not to in this instance...maybe they considered it slanderous? But then they didn't publish it in a different profile of Marc Maron?! WTF. A Twitter bro @robertloerzel alerted me to the fact that the NYT has published "WTF" 2,460 times (not all of them referring to that phrase). By the way, my favorite definition of "WTF" comes from "Modern Family"—"Why the Face."]

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Mini-Nugget Reviews of the Three Shows I Saw This Weekend: The Misfits (Danzig Legacy), Wild Flag and Weezer



1) The Misfits (part of Danzig Legacy show/Riot Fest), Congress Theater, Chicago
I will one day have pretend misfit children with guitar puncher/designer Doyle Wolfgang von Frankenstein. Local music junkie Jake Austen from Rocktober wrote a live review for Time Out Chicago and mentioned that guitar sounded muddier than it should have, but whatevs!, he wrote:

"The Misfits’ 1980s (and Glenn-free 1990s revival) guitarist Doyle took the stage, and while I will never complain about a giant with corpse paint, a devil lock, and gay porn muscles playing buzzsaw punk rock guitar, the fact that Doyle played in addition to the Danzig guitarist rather than instead of him meant the sound was muddier instead of sparer and punkier. Couple that with Glenn’s voice not having the timbre of his younger days, and the songs really didn’t sound much like the Misfits. Which didn’t matter at all! The mass of Misfits-tattooed humanity was almost orgasmic hearing Glenn present these sacred songs."

The pit was a swirling sweat bowl. (I didn't get super-good footage so check out this clip of him playing from 2007.)



2) Wild Flag, Empty Bottle, Chicago

Best cover of "Beast of Burden" that will ever happen in history ever. Unless the Raincoats give it a shot. Here's some decent footage from a show in Philly in March, I like its rawness.

By the way, they had some rad T-shirt designs, like this one — courtesy of director/artist Mike Mills ("Thumbsucker"), who's married to director/artist Miranda July.



3) Weezer/Riot Fest, Congress Theater, Chicago
One of the hardest things for any performer is having to go on stage after the death of a loved one, and Rivers Cuomo opened the show by dedicating the show to former Weezer bass player Mikey Welsh, who was found dead in his Chicago hotel room from a suspected drug overdose the night before. Welsh apparently tweeted “Dreamt I died in Chicago next weekend (heart attack in my sleep),” on Sept. 26, two weeks earlier.

Rivers was obviously pretty distraught. Welsh was working as a painter in Vermont, and from the looks of his stuff, he was pretty damn good. The image below is titled "an incendiary lovechild goes up in flames of its own fire."



On a more musical note, when discussing what band Weezer would cover best, a friend of mine threw out the Pixies — and I had to bow to that suggestion. I realized how much I dislike the song "No One Else": "I want a girl who will laugh for no one else/ When I'm away she puts her make-up on the shelf/ When I'm away she never leaves the house..." Fuck that!

I also danced and screamed to "Undone — The Sweater Song" with a recently-reunited high school girlfriend like we were back in high school, and felt like a total dork in a total good way.

More to come later, probably some crappy iPhone video because I wasn't real close to the stage (if I could get a decent zoom on that thing, and a larger aperture, I might pay with my first-born My Little Pony).

But on a serious note, I need to be thankful that I had an amazing time with good friends. And that a band is mourning the loss of one of theirs.